Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
News Feeds
NFE/1.0Google News - U.S.http://news.google.com/news?ned=us&topic=nennews-feedback@google.com©2008 GoogleTue, 23 Jun 2009 19:46:34 GMTTue, 23 Jun 2009 19:46:34 GMTGoogle Newshttp://news.google.com/intl/en_us/images/news_res.gifhttp://news.google.com/9 fatalities confirmed in DC Metro train crash - Los Angeles Timeshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/0-0&fd=R&url=http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/bal-dc-metro-train-crash0623,0,7458786.story&cid=1265978031&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNFQMolq6BvcvpMQr2Mk7h3qaPRRLwtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1265978031Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:29:45 GMT
Obama condemns Iran violence, singles out shooting of woman seen ... - Los Angeles Timeshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/1-0&fd=R&url=http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-obama-news-conference24-2009jun24,0,6463940.story&cid=1266353714&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNEbt_FG5zMNQNKQHaYuRr2egwJXWAtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266353714Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:00:21 GMT
Gov. returning to SC after worries, criticism over whereabouts - CNN Internationalhttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/2-0&fd=R&url=http://edition.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/06/23/south.carolina.governor.hiking/&cid=1265908944&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNHcWto5K83BtKBYdBQ3Aby7UaXfsgtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1265908944Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:38:46 GMT
Albany Democrats Lock Themselves in the Senate Chamber - New York Timeshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/3-0&fd=R&url=http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/24/nyregion/24albany.html%3Fem&cid=1264797072&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNFZA952Q69SG1BZqcXh09QkFv3Acwtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1264797072Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:38:02 GMT
7 hurt in Pasadena transit bus crash - Los Angeles Timeshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/4-0&fd=R&url=http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/lanow/2009/06/7-hurt-in-pasadena-transit-bus-crash.html&cid=1266490576&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNF4NdmwDxG1GAnvXWiJ7Q-RR637ZAtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266490576Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:26:08 GMT
Window opens on fateful days of Nixon presidency - The Associated Presshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/5-0&fd=R&url=http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5i-vbi0q9luJmJEhvPouO9S6gNujQD990FL680&cid=1266019771&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNHVHhs7wNC9kIZNBpKzCO2YR1gPdwtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266019771Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:00:41 GMT
F-16 crashes in Utah; pilot's condition unknown - msnbc.comhttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/6-0&fd=R&url=http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/31510362/ns/us_news-military/&cid=1266301256&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNH1sY6QCgsvMWe8YTo_o7-g_QCPPQtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266301256Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:27:13 GMT
Lobbying Frenzy Begins as House Climate Bill Heads for Floor - New York Timeshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/7-0&fd=R&url=http://www.nytimes.com/gwire/2009/06/23/23greenwire-lobbying-frenzy-begins-as-house-climate-bill-he-7715.html&cid=1266055700&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNGI-02FaeyEt8nlc-DcQMbF5AcNdwtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266055700Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:51:00 GMT
Obama admits occasional cigarette - The Associated Presshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/8-0&fd=R&url=http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hBjW6btDpPBV33E8Uuj3XiQX_09AD990GRVO1&cid=1263156917&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNFtROOPREa5lwfAfuHrptKcFEIJBQtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1263156917Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:20:46 GMT
Ensign Apologizes for Affair in Private Meeting With GOP Lawmakers - FOXNewshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/9-0&fd=R&url=http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2009/06/23/ensign-apologizes-affair-private-meeting-gop-lawmakers&cid=1264935214&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNG4ODRUa-FXYMVkD3gzOYL-sDMFCwtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1264935214Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:31:08 GMT
Supreme Court narrows but preserves Voting Rights Act - Los Angeles Timeshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/10-0&fd=R&url=http://www.latimes.com/news/nationworld/nation/la-na-court-voting23-2009jun23,0,5494880.story&cid=1264123723&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNHNAowS1fEQty1hZ6Y9D-cmTgfM3wtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1264123723Tue, 23 Jun 2009 07:02:10 GMT
San Franciscans now must sort compost from trash - The Associated Presshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/11-0&fd=R&url=http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5jd6t412OX4WRQcnbTVpn77wm2dswD990INE80&cid=1266436952&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNHNgTPXI0PqypqkVJwldxjpXJkIYAtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266436952Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:31:14 GMT
Gates asks Gulf leaders for more Afghanistan help - The Associated Presshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/12-0&fd=R&url=http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5i1cvs8Wh0J3ahTDxXhU-eO0alBTgD990IQ5O0&cid=1266006598&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNEViMjTt7zA8SZwud6cL-ujvVfcEAtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266006598Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:31:18 GMT
Senate Panel Trims Interior-Epa Budget From House Levels - New York Timeshttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/13-0&fd=R&url=http://www.nytimes.com/gwire/2009/06/23/23greenwire-senate-panel-trims-interior-epa-budget-from-ho-14536.html&cid=1265883748&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNERGVEoysbuOACxopf7Mkvii6OyzAtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1265883748Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:51:00 GMT
Napolitano Plans to End Domestic Spy Satellite Program - Washington Posthttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/14-0&fd=R&url=http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/23/AR2009062302060.html%3Fhpid%3Dtopnews&cid=1265430839&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNG_bjtdm5vd9uwaDc4Hg66INDzODAtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1265430839Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:35:09 GMT
First on the CNN Ticker: RNC slams Obama in first TV ad - CNN Political Tickerhttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/15-0&fd=R&url=http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/06/23/first-on-the-cnn-ticker-rnc-slams-obama-in-first-tv-ad/&cid=1266484956&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNFM2cFaFQO8ZEK7HU83KHPV54Buuwtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266484956Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:32:00 GMT
Barbour on 2012 decision: probably never - CNN Political Tickerhttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/16-0&fd=R&url=http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2009/06/23/barbour-on-2012-decision-probably-never/&cid=1265860908&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNEhOGh22FCTr2rUq8rOhajjqB7DIgtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1265860908Tue, 23 Jun 2009 19:18:33 GMT
NYC, teachers agree to modify future pension plan - BusinessWeekhttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/17-0&fd=R&url=http://www.businessweek.com/ap/financialnews/D990FJQG1.htm&cid=1266032751&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNFIksJa0sPwSAWhUr5Rr3d-0ao6Pgtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1266032751Tue, 23 Jun 2009 17:50:41 GMT
Southern Baptists Oust Church - Washington Posthttp://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/18-0&fd=R&url=http://newsweek.washingtonpost.com/onfaith/undergod/2009/06/rejection_back_on_southern_baptist_agenda.html%3Fhpid%3Dtalkbox1&cid=1265194122&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNFb-7LWjpKOiz14TCh1bVHLfRRAEAtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1265194122Tue, 23 Jun 2009 16:29:51 GMT
Thousands call for higher taxes in Illinois - KWQC 6http://news.google.com/news/url?sa=T&ct=us/19-0&fd=R&url=http://www.kwqc.com/Global/story.asp%3FS%3D10581335%26nav%3Dmenu83_2&cid=1265226948&ei=GjFBSqmbLpTYNqqryPAG&usg=AFQjCNE_dImtwQdOzJijTZC_Sl0qKHcD9Qtag:news.google.com,2005:cluster=1265226948Tue, 23 Jun 2009 18:34:34 GMT
Google News - U.S.
 Telegraph.co.uk | 9 fatalities confirmed in DC Metro train crash Los Angeles Times By Paul West, Baltimore Sun reporter WASHINGTON -- Nine fatalities have been confirmed in the worst accident in the history of Washington's Metro subway system, authorities said Tuesday morning. Video: At least 6 killed in Washington subway crash Crash subway 'warned over trains' |
 guardian.co.uk | Obama condemns Iran violence, singles out shooting of woman seen ... Los Angeles Times Iranian protests are among hot topics at the president's news conference today, which also covered his push for healthcare reform, 'clean energy' jobs and the president's efforts to quit smoking. Video: Obama Signs Tobacco Control Bill - Bloomberg Obama harshly condemns Iran crackdown on protesters |
 Washington Post | Gov. returning to SC after worries, criticism over whereabouts CNN International By Peter Hamby COLUMBIA, South Carolina (CNN) -- Gov. Mark Sanford will return to his office Wednesday following widespread confusion over his whereabouts, a spokesman for the South Carolina Republican said. South Carolina Governor to Return to Office Wednesday Sanford's Disapperance: He's Just A Weird Guy |
 New York Daily News | Albany Democrats Lock Themselves in the Senate Chamber New York Times By DANNY HAKIM and JEREMY W. PETERS ALBANY - Senate Democrats entered the Senate chamber through a back hallway on Tuesday afternoon and locked themselves in, pulling off a sneak attack of sorts in the ongoing battle for control of the State Senate. Video: What's next in the NYS Senate? New York Senators Return for Special Session |
 Sacramento Bee | 7 hurt in Pasadena transit bus crash Los Angeles Times At least seven people suffered moderate injuries this morning when a Pasadena transit bus jumped the curb during a traffic collision and struck a bus bench, authorities said. Pasadena bus in collision, 3 injured Bus loses control, runs into bus stop |
 Washington Post | Window opens on fateful days of Nixon presidency The Associated Press WASHINGTON (AP) - When the Watergate scandal grew into a full-bore crisis unraveling Richard Nixon's presidency, aides hatched a "game plan" to save him. More Nixon tapes to be made public Newly released tapes: Nixon threatened Vietnam leader, wanted GOP ... |
 NECN | F-16 crashes in Utah; pilot's condition unknown msnbc.com June 22: Walter Fricke, a helicopter pilot during the Vietnam War, talks about founding The Veterans Airlift Command, which provides free air transportation for wounded and recovering troops and veterans and their families through a national network of ... F-16 Crashes In Utah; Pilot Missing F-16 crashes in Utah; pilot's status unknown |
 The Farmer | Lobbying Frenzy Begins as House Climate Bill Heads for Floor New York Times By DARREN SAMUELSOHN, Greenwire House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's plan to bring a major climate and energy measure to the floor Friday has prompted a whirlwind of lobbying. House aims for Friday vote on climate bill Global warming bill swells with Dem deals |
 Globe and Mail | Obama admits occasional cigarette The Associated Press WASHINGTON (AP) - One day after signing legislation giving the government unprecedented power to regulate tobacco, President Barack Obama is admitting that he's sometimes "fallen off the wagon" in his own effort to stop smoking. Video: Obama vs Tobacco. Tobacco wins Reluctantly, President Obama Admits He Still Smokes But Is “95% Cured” |
 Seattle Post Intelligencer | Ensign Apologizes for Affair in Private Meeting With GOP Lawmakers FOXNews The Nevada senator issued a "heartfelt" apology to his GOP colleagues Tuesday for the extramarital affair he publicly confessed to in a news conference last week. Ensign apologizes to Senate colleagues over affair Ensign Apologizes For Affair, Gets Round Of Applause From GOP ... |
 ABC News | Supreme Court narrows but preserves Voting Rights Act Los Angeles Times The justices leave Section 5 safeguards intact while allowing municipalities with a clean record to 'bail out.' Clarence Thomas dissents, saying he would strike down the provision. Video: Scotus voting rights Compromise Prevails in US High Court Voting Ruling |
San Franciscans now must sort compost from trash The Associated Press SAN FRANCISCO (AP) - Sorting glass and other recyclables out of household trash will no longer be enough in San Francisco. Anything that can be composted also has to be separated. San Franciscans Will Have to Pay Up for Not Recycling The Nation's Most Ambitious Recycling Law |
 The Associated Press | Gates asks Gulf leaders for more Afghanistan help The Associated Press WASHINGTON (AP) - Defense Secretary Robert Gates urged military leaders from the Persian Gulf region to help with security and development of Afghanistan, saying there is only a "fleeting opportunity" now to turn the stalemated war around. Gates Urges Gulf States to 'Embrace' Iraq to Put Brakes on Iran Pentagon Chief Handles Iraq's Government With Care |
 WWL First News | Senate Panel Trims Interior-Epa Budget From House Levels New York Times By NOELLE STRAUB, ROBIN BRAVENDER AND TARYN LUNTZ, Greenwire Legislation approved this morning by a Senate panel would slash environmental agencies' spending by $200 million from the levels approved by House appropriators. House refuses to delay tax break Senate Panel Approves Interior Appropriations Bill |
 MiamiHerald.com | Napolitano Plans to End Domestic Spy Satellite Program Washington Post By Spencer S. Hsu Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano will notify Congress this afternoon that her department is killing a controversial Bush administration program to expand the use of spy satellite imagery by domestic law enforcement and ... White House to Abandon Spy-Satellite Program AP source: DHS to kill domestic satellite spying |
 ABC News | First on the CNN Ticker: RNC slams Obama in first TV ad CNN Political Ticker WASHINGTON (CNN) –- The Republican National Committee slams President Obama's plan to reform the nation's health care system in a new television ad that is set to air Wednesday on national cable television. 9 of 10 Americans worry about Obama's spending deficits: Poll Obama agenda: Another national poll |
 Washington Post | Barbour on 2012 decision: probably never CNN Political Ticker WASHINGTON (CNN) - When a leading Republican public official visits New Hampshire and Iowa back-to-back, it sparks speculation of a 2012 run for the Republican presidential nomination. McDonnell ducks on mining question while stumping with Mississippi ... RNC gives $1.5 million to Virginia's mcdonnell |
 NY1 | NYC, teachers agree to modify future pension plan BusinessWeek New York City and The United Federation of Teachers have tentatively agreed to support legislation to modify pension plans for future teachers. UFT pact with NYC: Oh, always, best for the kids.... Teachers union agrees to cut pension benefits |
 Patrol Magazine | Southern Baptists Oust Church Washington Post The slowly shrinking Southern Baptist Convention voted on Tuesday to sever 125-year-old ties with a Texas church that allowed homosexual members to have their photos in the church directory. Southern Baptists cut ties with Fort Worth's Broadway Baptist Southern Baptists Reject Gay-Affirming Church |
 St. Louis Post-Dispatch | Thousands call for higher taxes in Illinois KWQC 6 AP - June 23, 2009 2:34 PM ET SPRINGFIELD, Ill. (AP) - Thousands of people squeezed into the Illinois Capitol to protest possible budget cuts and instead demand higher taxes. As $5 million in budget cuts loom, Illinois immigrant advocates ... FamilyCare suit settled |
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:
"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE and FEMALE procedures have been developed.
Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender:
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
There was a man who worked all of his life and saved all of his money. He was a real miser when it came to his money. He loved money more than just about anything, and just before he died, he said to his wife, "Now listen, when I die, I want you to take all my money and place it in the casket with me. I wanna take my money to the afterlife."
So he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all the money in the casket with him.
Well, one day he died. He was stretched out in the casket, the wife was sitting there in black next to her closest friend. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said "Wait just a minute!"
She had a shoe box with her, she came over with the box and placed it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down and rolled it away. Her friend said, "I hope you weren't crazy enough to put all that money in the casket."
"Yes," the wife said, "I promised. I'm a good Christian, I can't lie. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put every cent of his money in the casket with him?"
"I sure did. I got it all together, put it into my account and I wrote him a check."
(Thanks Jessica)
Sure, there are some pretty stupid criminals out there. Yet this excerpt from a Washington Post article proves that not all criminals are dumb – in fact, some are so clever that the Post labeled this article, "The Best Comeback Line Ever"
In summary, the police arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22-year-old white male, resident of Dacula, GA, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 p.m. on Friday.
Lawrence will be charged with lewd and lascivious behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the Gwinnett County courthouse on Monday.
The suspect explained that as he was passing a pumpkin patch he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there wasn't," he stated in a phone interview.
Lawrence went on to say that he pulled over to the side of the road, Picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his need. "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Lawrence apparently failed to notice a Gwinnett County police car approaching and was unaware of his audience until Officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was an unusual situation, that's for sure," said Officer Taylor. "I walked up to (Lawrence) and he's... just working away at this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached Lawrence. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there, and then looked me straight in the face and said, 'A pumpkin? Darn...is it midnight already?"
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)